


The Crow on the Cradle by Kaelleigh

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Drama/Romance, M/M, h/c
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 05:44:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/794538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After working a disturbing child abuse case, Blair confesses old secrets to Jim.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Crow on the Cradle by Kaelleigh

Comments would be nice...try not to flame me...this the first piece of Sentinel fiction I've ever written (I've never been one to do things half-way) and the first slash so take pity on me please. I've also seen all of four episodes of the show, the rest I picked up from everyone else's wonderful stories. See what too much pizza and slash stories before bed will do to you? I couldn't sleep and this appears on my computer. Oh, no beta readers or anything so any typos and stuff are all my fault. 

Author's note: Crow on the Cradle is an old lullaby, I think from wales. It's kinda odd...anyway it's by Sydney Carter, performed by Ceilis Muse on their "The Dark Lady" CD. Loose Goose Productions. 

Standard disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. They belong to Pet Fly productions and UPN and a lot of other powerful people. Please don't sue me I've got nothing but bills and a cat anyway. 

## Crow on the Cradle

by Kaelleigh

> __  
> Rock-a-bye baby, the dark and the light  
>  Somebody's baby is born for a fight  
>  rock-a-bye baby, the white and the black  
>  Somebody's baby is not coming back  
>  Sang the crow on the cradle.  
> 

Jim poured himself a cup of coffee and glanced over at the doors that led out to the balcony. *Enough is enough...* He poured another mug for Blair and walked outside as well. Sandburg had been sitting there, watching the water for almost three hours, ever since they'd gotten back from the station. Jim shook off the memories of the last two weeks and the case that had so recently come to a close. Of all the things he had to deal with in his work crimes against children were always the worst. Three dead little girls...All but one, at least there was that; one was safe, home, alive; and would be well...A fact that was due in great part to his roommate. "It's getting cold out here Chief." He handed Blair the coffee. 

Sandburg reached over and took the mug. "Thanks." Jim could see the scrapes on the hand that took the coffee. Blair, being smaller than both him and Simon, had climbed into the heating duct where the child had hid. Jim could hear her, trying to be silent, heard her heart beating, hammering in her chest, even after they'd called out to her that she was safe, that the madman wasn't going to be hurting her any more. *I/A is going to have a time with this one, I think three different cops shot the bastard...* Finally, not knowing what else to do Simon had agreed to Blair trying to squeeze into the space. It had been a tight fit, evidenced by the scrapes, but he'd done it. And then, to Jim's surprise and more than a little admiration, he'd managed to talk the little girl into coming out. *Fairy tales...I'd never pictured Blair telling fairy tales... makes sense I guess...I don't think either of those stories was from Hans Christian Anderson....I wonder what tribe he got them from...?* Christi had relaxed finally, let Blair close enough to determine that she was alright, to squirm out of his jacket and let the child wrap it around herself. Sandburg had been the one shivering by the time he'd convinced her to follow him out to the waiting officers. 

He looked over at Blair again, but the man hadn't moved. His hands were wrapped around the mug of coffee which was sending steam into the cool night air. "Simon called, he said to tell you that Christi's been checked over by the hospital and sent home. A borderline case of hypothermia but that's all..." 

"That's great." There was genuine relief in Blair's voice, but the reaction wasn't what Jim had been expecting. He'd never seen Blair sit still for so long before. Something was very wrong; he just wished he knew what. Anthropology graduate students should come with an instruction manual, he decided. 

"I thought I might order some Chinese." 

"I'm not really hungry." Blair replied, shifting slightly, and Jim could hear joints and tendons snap. Sandburg didn't seem to notice. 

"Alright." He agreed, and then reached over to put a hand on his friend's shoulder. When the move didn't even illicit a comment, he sighed. "You're one big knot, Chief." He smiled a little and then began to rub the younger man's shoulders. 

The coffee mug dropped from startled fingers, as Blair pulled away sharply, and crashed into the concrete, shattering into a hundred tiny clay and green-glaze fragments. "Shit...I'm sorry...." 

"Did you burn yourself?" Jim asked, concerned now, even more than before. 

"No...I really am sorry...I'll clean it up..." 

"It's just a mug, Sandburg, and there's more coffee in the kitchen." 

"I'll clean it." Blair repeated, starting to move past Jim. Ellison sighed, and then put out one arm to stop him. 

"Relax Blair it's..." He gripped the younger man's arm gently, and then stopped as Blair looked up at him. There was far to much in the blue eyes that met his for a moment. Things Jim could read all too well in the dark; confusion, pain, despair, and a momentary flash of fear. "Talk to me." He surprised himself with the words. "What's wrong, Chief?" 

"Nothing..." Blair shook his head, and even without picking up his increased heartbeat Jim could tell he was lying. 

"I know it's hard to leave this sort of case behind, Blair... I've been doing it for years and it's never easy..." He tried. 

"It's nothing...really....Is she really alright...? He didn't...." Blair stopped and swallowed, not voicing the fear. 

"No." Jim let the relief he'd felt when Simon had told him the same news earlier wash over him again. This time they'd been in time, this time the little girl would go home and be well...Unlike the other three...He pushed that thought aside. 

Blair muttered something that wasn't in a language Jim knew. 

"He's dead, Blair. He's never going to hurt another kid again." 

Sandburg had walked back over to the balcony, the broken mug apparently forgotten. "Three little girls..." He shook his head, moonlight and the yellow glow from the florescent bulbs inside making his hair shine. As always Jim fought down the urge to run his hand through those curls. "Sometimes I think I should have gone to Borneo...There's so much less...horrors like that in tribal society..." 

"Aren't you over generalizing?" Jim asked. 

"No, not really...the group solidarity is one of the things we give up to be urban...He'd never have gotten away with it in a village. Privacy is a great thing...but it lets us keep secrets...Even the bad ones..." 

Jim thought about it for a long moment. "No society is perfect." 

"I know that. I'm the anthropologist remember?" He was silent for a bit. "I just think that sometimes...we tend to lose sight of the important things...In a society where 100,000 people get killed every week...three more kids...is just a statistic...." 

"Not to me." Jim disagreed. 

"You're the exception, Jim. Maybe that's why you're a cop...You can't let the bad guys win..." 

"Genetically predisposed to defending the tribe?" Jim smiled a little as he said it. 

Blair nodded, some of the tension having lessened. Sandburg was quiet for a while and Jim could see him tense again. "You know, there's a tribe in New Guinea..." He said quietly finally. "They've had four cases of child abuse in the entire hundred and fifty years they've been studied...Then again...they're a little more strict in the punishment category than we are." 

"How so?" Jim prompted after a bit, curious for once about one of Blair's anthropology stories. 

"The chances of a child surviving into adulthood aren't great...so they're very protective...If you beat a child, two or three of the largest men in the village, the head man and a couple of warriors drag you to the village center and beat the crap out of you." 

"An eye for an eye?" Jim supplied. 

"It's a bit more involved than that but yeah close enough." 

"So what would they have done with Rindell?" 

"If you look at a child like that...You offended the gods by your sight so they take your eyes." He paused. "And if you touch a child like that, they cut off your hands...That makes you completely worthless to the tribe and you're stuck being a beggar for the rest of your life." Another pause and a shudder. "And if you force yourself on a child...They emasculate you, and let you bleed to death. Or so the elders say, there's never been a documented case...and only once in one hundred and fifty years had anybody lost their hands." 

"I could almost agree with that...But what if they've got the wrong man?" 

"You really think a kid would lie about that?" 

The anger caught Jim by surprise. "I never said that." 

"You think Christi just made it up? Or the little girl he left in that dumpster...?! Maybe it was just a fantasy...Right? Do you think she just made it up...?! Do you?!" 

"Damn it Sandburg I didn't say that...!" 

"What's the point....? I should have told her to stay there... They'll never believe you anyway...What's the..." 

He put his hands on Blair's shoulders and shook him once, hard. "I didn't say she was lying. I..." He stopped himself and then to both his and Blair's shock, just pulled the younger man into his arms. "I know what happened to Christi, Blair. I believe what happened to her and to Ellen and to Heather and to Jennifer..." He knew what to say next, he just wished he knew what the results were going to be. "And I believe you too." 

Blair struggled for a moment, pushing away from Jim. "I didn't say..." 

"You didn't really have to." Jim shook his head. "How old were you Blair?" 

His friend didn't say anything for a long time, just stood there, but his heart-rate and breathing slowed closer to normal. Finally, he walked back over to the railing and looked out at the water again. "It doesn't matter..." 

Jim managed not to growl in frustration. Then he thought of something that just might get through to Blair. "I'll get something to clean up the coffee..." He offered, ducking back inside for a moment. He did pick up a towel, but his main goal was the k-bar knife he still had from covert ops. When he walked back out onto the balcony Blair hadn't moved. He stopped, standing bedside his friend and watched the view for a moment himself. "I'd believe you. If you told me." He offered, quietly. Silence. "I believe you anyway." He placed the knife on the railing with a purposefully loud thud. Blair glanced down at it in surprise. 

"What...?" 

"Just give me his name, and tell me if I need to do more than take out his eyes." 

Startled blue eyes met his, disbelief warring with hope, distrust clouding the surprise. Jim wondered not for the first time if Blair realized exactly how easy it was to read his expressions. "You wouldn't...really...would you?" 

"You have to tell me his name before I can track him down." 

"He's not...worth that...I...It was a...I..." Blair shook his head and looked back at the ocean. There was silence for another bit and then Blair shuddered. "Nine." He said finally, the whisper loud enough for Jim to hear but only because he was listening for it. "I was nine." Another bit of silence. "He was...one of Naomi's boyfriends..." The little bits of information continued, sentence by sentence, with sometimes short sometimes longer pauses. "He was a bank manager, pillar of the community, type." "Naomi believed me, but nobody else." "So we moved again." "Got our own apartment for almost a year, in San Francisco." The sentences stopped. 

"You haven't told me his name." Jim reached over, carefully and put his hand on Blair's shoulder. 

"I don't want you to track him down." 

"Why not?" 

"Because...Legally there's nothing you can do..." 

Jim sighed. "That's one of the hardest parts of being a cop...what to do when the law and justice aren't the same thing." 

Blair was quiet for a while longer. "Can you hear my heartbeat?" The question was so out of the blue it caught Jim by surprise. 

"What?" *I could hear your heart beating half a mile away and know it was yours...* 

"Can you hear my heartbeat?" Blair repeated. 

Jim concentrated on that sound for a moment, letting it fill his ears. "Yes, why?" 

"So you'd know if I was lying." Blair said quietly. 

"Ah." Jim nodded, and squeezed his friend's shoulder. "I don't have to listen to your heartbeat Blair. I believe you." 

"Maybe I don't anymore...sometimes...no one else did...so maybe I did make it up..." 

"Did you?" Jim asked quietly, for Blair's sake. He already knew the answer. 

"No..." The word was soft. "I didn't make it up...I wasn't lying..." There wasn't a change to the heartbeat, but he heard Blair's breath catch, felt the shudder under his hand. "I didn't make it up..." 

"No, no you didn't." Jim agreed and then turned Blair to him to hug the younger man again. "It's alright Chief. I believe you." *Right now...I'd believe anything you told me...* He pushed the thought away. Blair didn't need that sort of complication right now...least of all now...Maybe not ever...He wanted to ask, wanted to know how bad the trauma had been, and at the same time didn't want to know either. If he didn't, maybe he could still hope that one day, Sandburg would figure it out, and wouldn't mind. For someone who was supposedly an expert on studying human behavior he certainly missed a lot of obvious clues. *I thought I'd made it pretty obvious...short of just saying it...I love you, Blair...I have for a while...I want you so bad it hurts...* Years in the military, when it was far less forgiving than it had become recently had taught him very quickly how to mask that sort of feeling. Hiding it from Blair hadn't really been all that hard, at least not at first. It had gotten harder, and right now, holding the man to him, letting him cry it was harder than ever, except for why Blair was crying. A why that made Jim doubt he'd ever be able to say what he wanted to...Or that Blair would ever respond if he did. 

"I'm really...sorry...about this..." Blair muttered, finally, pulling away. It took all the strength Jim had to let him go. 

"Sorry about what Chief?" 

"Falling apart like this over something that happened almost twenty years ago...You must think I'm a real wimp..." 

"What? No." Jim disagreed. "Where do you get this stuff? Crying doesn't make you a wimp...least of all over something like this..." 

"Man I am never going to figure you out." Blair grumbled, wiping at his eyes with one hand. Jim held out the towel he'd intended to use on the coffee. Blair smiled, the expression a little shaky, and a little sad, but there. "Thanks." He turned away again, but it was to kneel down to clean up the coffee and broken mug pieces on the patio floor. He stopped after a moment and then sighed. "Thanks..." He repeated, but the tone told Jim that it was for something else. "For believing me." 

"Did you really think I wouldn't?" 

"No..." Blair shook his head. "Which kinda surprises me...Most people seem to assume I lie about everything..." 

"Maybe because you're pretty damned good at it." Jim suggested. 

"That from the man who's like unreadable. You could bluff your way out of anything." 

Jim just shrugged. "If it was one thing I learned in Special Ops it was how to keep a secret." He smiled a bit to himself, not really bitterly, at what had made him think of that. 

"I guess that makes sense." Blair agreed. He gathered up the wet towel, with the mug pieces in it. As he straightened he stopped, and just looked at the knife Jim had laid on the railing. "You wouldn't really have gone after him...would you?" 

"You don't want me too." Jim pointed out. 

"Oh yes I do." Blair muttered. "I mean...I do...but...I don't want you to...Damn it." 

"It's alright to be angry at him, Blair." 

"Sometimes I am...sometimes I hate him as much as I did then...and then sometimes it's less...It was a long time ago." 

*Right now...if you asked me too...I'd do it...I'd hunt the bastard down and cut him to pieces...* He shook himself, and found Blair looking at him with disbelief, and something Jim couldn't put a name too. "What?" He asked finally. 

"I've never seen you that...angry before..." Blair shivered a little. 

"Of all the types of scum I have to deal with in my job...People who hurt children are the worst...I'd have ripped Rindell's throat out I think...I almost did there for a moment..." He shrugged. "Maybe it's genetic...A behavioral throwback to a pre-civilized breed of man." He remembered the words, Blair had used when they'd first started working together. 

"You are like a behavioral psychologists worst nightmare." Blair sighed. "Nature versus. nurture in microcosm..." 

"Should I be insulted?" 

"No." Blair shook his head. "I just meant...I really didn't expect you to react like this..." 

"What did you expect?" Jim asked. 

"I don't know..." Blair mumbled. "Just...nothing so..." He looked over at the knife again. 

"What?" Jim pressed. "Violent?" 

"No..." Blair shook his head. "Undeniable...? Unarguable...? Do you have any idea...what it means to have someone tell me they believe me...? Enough for that?" 

"Yeah...I think I do...When I first started getting all these senses back...I thought I was going crazy...DSS or something...but you believed me...believed in what I said I could sense...I know it's not really the same thing...but..." 

"Having someone believe you, makes it easier to take." Blair said quietly. 

"Exactly." He took the towel out of Blair's hands and set it on the small table. "If there's ever anything you want to tell me Blair...or need someone to believe in with you...tell me." He hoped he sounded as adamant as he felt. *Hypocrite...you can't even find the words to tell him you care...and here you go asking him for more courage than you've got yourself...* 

"Maybe there's stuff you wouldn't want to know." Blair said, barely a whisper. 

"I can't think of anything...I'm your blessed protector remember, chief?" He made it light, to hide what he wanted to say. 

"What if I told you I'd killed someone?" Blair asked. 

Jim blinked, startled. "I'd worry...a whole lot...about you... about what would have happened to make you have to kill..." He forced down a deep breath. "Have you?" 

"No..." Blair shook his head. Jim felt his heart start again. 

"Is it something illegal?" Jim asked., it seemed a logical thing for Blair to worry about telling him. 

"No..." There was a small smile at that, which Jim didn't understand. 

"What do you think I wouldn't want to know?" He was really curious now. 

Blair didn't say anything for a long while. "I can't..." He said finally, the tears back in his voice. "Not now...not after...You're the best friend I've ever had, Jim..." 

"Nothing you could tell me would change that. Not even if it was illegal. Nothing short of you trying to murder someone in cold blood would make me think any differently about you...and I might even let you explain that..." 

"It's not that simple..." 

"Yes it is." Jim argued. "It's as simple and as unarguable and undeniable as that knife right there...I will always be your friend." 

"What if I don't want to be friends?" Blair asked, his voice rough. 

"What...?" *I really want that damned instruction manual...* "I...suppose...I could...if you wanted to go...I'd still be your friend..." His heart was pounding now, in panic...and he wondered vaguely if it would hurt when he hit the bottom of the cliff Blair had just pushed him off of. 

"No...never...I...didn't say I wanted to go..." 

"Why would you not want to be friends...?" It took every last bit of control to keep the fear out of that question. 

"Because..." Blair looked away and muttered something that even Jim couldn't make out, at least he didn't think he had. 

"What...?" 

"It's not enough..." Blair repeated, the words barely more distinct. 

"Not being friends...?" Jim asked. *God what did I do...?!* 

"No...I knew you wouldn't...I...oh hell...being friends, Jim...it isn't enough..." 

*I wonder what he'd do if I fainted...?* Jim thought to himself, in some part of his mind that was still thinking. "Why not?" He had to know...had to know if how he would have meant those words was what Blair meant...knew it wouldn't be...but for a moment there was hope. Blair looked up at him, for just a moment and the expression in his eyes was enough. Enough for Jim to find the courage to take that step. "No...never mind...it's not is it...? Not nearly enough..." He reached out, cupping Blair's chin in his hand and then kissing him, quickly, before he could really think about it. He'd meant it to be light, to let them both realize it...but it didn't happen that way. Blair gasped, a small sound, loud in Jim's ears, like his heartbeat, pounding suddenly, the beat almost in time to Jim's own. Soft lips parted against his with the slight release of air. Jim inhaled that breath, tasted it, and wanted more...so much more...He licked his tongue over Blair's lips, keeping enough control to ask permission instead of demanding entrance. Blair sighed, opening his lips, his tongue seeking out Jim's, sliding against his. Jim let himself drown in that taste, in the feel of Blair's hair against his hand as he moved his fingers from the younger man's chin to the back of his head, in the sound of both heartbeats filling his ears...He pulled back finally, needing to remember to breathe. 

Blair just stared at him, his blue eyes wide, breathless, and for a panicked moment Jim was sure he'd read everything wrong. Then Blair smiled, like dawn 7 hours early, and he knew he hadn't, and it wasn't so hard suddenly, to find the courage to say those words. 

"It's not enough to be friends...when you want to be more...When the person who's your friend...is someone you love..." 

"I...thought you'd throw me out..." Blair mumbled. 

"What...?" Jim had to smile. "Get angry and toss you out on your butt in defence of my honor or something?" 

"Something like that..." Blair agreed. "Or deck me...but not this...definitely not this..." 

"I have wanted to kiss you for damned near forever." 

There was disbelief in Blair's eyes now, but joy too. "Since when?" 

"Since when did I want to kiss you...? Hmmm...probably from the moment you saved me from being hit by that truck...afterwards you were so..." 

"What?" Blair asked. 

"Beautiful...Felt like the truck had hit me...you took my breath away...excited, scared, half-high on the adrenaline...you looked wonderful." 

To his complete surprise Blair blushed. It was an oddly endearing look and Jim smiled. 

"I...never...I mean...You were married and..." 

"You never thought I'd say yes...What about you, Blair? I've never seen you date anyone but women either." 

"I haven't...in a while...it wasn't really dating...We were friends...roommates in college...What about you...?" 

"About ten years now..." Jim replied. 

"Oh..." Blair smiled. "I will never lean to read you, man." 

"Maybe you just need to increase your field of study..." He teased, lightly. 

"Hmmm...maybe..." Blair smiled a little, and then pulled Jim down to kiss him again. The second time was no less intense than the first, if anything it was even more sensual, silk and heat. The pressure of his tongue against Blair's, the almost rough scrape of teeth against his tongue, then his against Blair's lip in response. A moan...he wasn't sure who's. He put his arms around the younger man, pulling him closer. *Mine...* he whispered to himself. 

"Um...Jim..." Blair whispered, against his lips, then again as he pulled away. "Jim...maybe...we should take this...inside? We're giving the rest of the town a free show..." 

Jim laughed; he couldn't help it, and then before Blair could predict the move, swung the smaller man into his arms. "Inside hmmm? Any preferences as to where?" He made it Blair's choice, needing to know he'd left the options open. 

"Hmmm...Upstairs...?" Blair asked, and then put his arms around Jim's neck to pull himself up a little so he could whisper into Jim's ear. "My bed's covered in books...and your's is bigger." 

Jim half-groaned half-growled at the feel of the words, whispered against his ear. "No fair making statements like that Chief, I've never even seen yours." 

It took Blair only half a second to catch the joke. "Man, on that rig, when you handed me the towel...It's a good thing she had a gun...or I would have jumped you right there...damn the consequences..." 

"I was being as damned blatant as I could without asking you to join me..." Jim muttered, carrying Blair up the stairs. It wasn't that he couldn't carry Blair, but the balance necessary to get up the stairs with the weight off center like this made him concentrate on the task. Blair, thankfully, seemed to understand and stayed still in his arms until they reached the landing. With a grin, Jim let go of Blair's legs, turning him slightly so they slid against each other as he set the other man's feet on the floor. 

"Oh...gods..." Blair groaned, and just pressed closer. His hands clenched into Jim's shirt, and then fumbled for the buttons. Jim reached over to help him, smiling when Blair knocked his hands away. "I want to..." The shirt came undone and Blair's hands spread over his chest, trembling slightly. Jim caught his breath with a hiss, Blair's fingers feeling much to warm for normal against his skin for a moment, then they slid the shirt off his shoulders and onto the floor. Jim buried one hand in Blair's hair, the other arm around his waist and claimed another kiss. Blair moaned, arching against Jim in an unmistakable invitation. When they finally had to pull apart to breathe, Jim reached over and pulled the sweat shirt Blair was wearing over his head, sliding his hands along the smaller man's ribs, feeling him tremble, feeling the pulse he could hear hammering in his chest. He kissed Blair lightly, teasing now, and then kissed his eyes, tasting the remaining salt of the earlier tears. He forced his hands still on Blair's shoulders for a long moment, finding the control he needed within himself. 

"If...there's anything...you don't want to do...just say so...I..." 

"Shhh..." Blair's fingers rested against his lips. "I trust you with my life Jim...I have for a while...I think...from this moment on...I'm trusting you with my heart...Trusting you with the rest of me...that's the easy part..." 

Jim smiled, and then traced his fingers down from behind Blair's ear, along the point of his jaw, down his throat. "I didn't actually say it earlier...I love you, Blair..." 

"Oh..." Blair swallowed once, hard. "I...didn't think you'd ever say...I've dreamt..." He shook his head. "I love you too, Jim..." 

"Thank God." Jim growled, and kissed him again. Blair's hands ran up his back, surprisingly strong and still warmer than Jim thought they should be. He trailed the kisses down Blair's neck, nibbled lightly along one collar bone and then to one nipple. 

Sometimes he'd forget how much shorter than him Blair was. It made him feel so damned protective sometimes...most of the time... He slid his fingers down Blair's sides to rest at his waist. Blair moaned, moving a little, angling his body into his. Jim sighed himself, liking the way Blair shivered from the feel of his breath against the already hardened nipple. One of Blair's hands ran through his hair, down his neck and pulled insistently up. Jim let himself be pulled into another kiss, feeling the warmth flowing from where their bodies touched. Warming him inside and out, filling up the emptiness and darkness inside, making him feel alive in a way he'd tried to pretend he didn't need any more. *How could I have forgotten this? How did I manage to ignore it for so damned long...?* He moved then, in small half-steps forward, their bodies swaying together, almost like a type of dance, pressed together along chest, and hip, and thigh. He heard and felt Blair catch his breath as the younger man's legs pressed against the mattress. Without breaking their kiss he slid his hands down Blair's sides again, feather light touches that made the man moan into Jim's mouth. He caught Blair's hips in his hands and lifted him onto the bed and followed him down. He contented himself for a moment with settling himself beside the smaller man instead of over him. Blair pushed against his shoulders until he finally released him. Bright blue eyes looked up at him, wide and impossibly deep. Blair smiled, looking oddly shy, considering the outright desire smoldering in his eyes. The expression made Jim smile back, and then trace Blair's lips with one hand. 

The expression in the blue eyes changed to something more teasing and Blair drew one of Jim's finger into his mouth, licking and nibbling and then sucking it all the way in. Jim closed his eyes, letting the sensation overwhelm him and then shifting uncomfortably as his jeans grew far to tight. Blair released his finger with a smile, and then started on the next finger. 

"God..." It was more than Jim could take at the moment, and he just pushed Blair back onto the mattress, leaning over him and kissing him fully. Blair moaned, responding in kind to the desire, and the growing sense of urgency. Hands fumbled with belts, clasps and zippers, getting both of their pants undone. 

"Boots..." Jim grumbled to himself. "Have to get those of first..." 

"Let me..." Blair rolled them over so that he was lying on top of Jim, and then slid down in an unashamedly arousing move to get the boots off. Pulling the last shreds of his control together, Jim waited until both boots hit the floor before he moved, pulling Blair back to him and rolling them over again. He took hold of the waist band of his jeans and pulled them over the slim hips and down his legs. Blair's hands pushed his own jeans off and he moved enough to get them off completely and kicked them off the bed onto the floor, not missing the flash of desire that lighted Blair's eyes. His eyes were nearly black, widely dilated but Jim could see the shock of anticipation and hunger that followed the desire. He wondered if Blair could see the same thing in his eyes as he gazed at the young man on the bed. He could feel his own heart beating harshly in his chest. Smiling a bit, he moved his hands slowly from Blair's feet up his legs to his hips, moving to kneel beside him on the bed. Apparently Blair could read something in his eyes because he smiled. "And you said I was beautiful..." 

"Me?" Jim shook his head. "If you say so...You're just as gorgeous...as I'd dreamed...more so...." 

He stroked one hand up from Blair's knee to his thigh, not quite reaching the very obvious erection. 

Blair tensed, gasping out one word Jim didn't understand, and then caught Jim's wrist and pulled his hand up. Jim closed his fist lightly around Blair's cock, smiling at the groan that elicited. "You...you're gorgeous too....Jim...I didn't think...don't stop....?" 

"Never." He promised as he leaned back over the younger man, Blair writhed a bit under him, the move almost like a cat's, making Jim groan himself. Jim kissed Blair again, long and deep, trying to be careful and not put to much of his weight on the smaller man. Blair didn't seem to notice, and just redoubled the intensity of the kiss, making it far rougher than Jim would have. 

"Don't...baby me...please...." The words were a mumble. "I'm not glass Jim...honest..." Blair mumbled between the kisses. 

"I don't...want to...crush you...that's all..." 

"I want you damn it...I want to make love to you....now.... damn it...." 

Blair pulled him back down kissing him again. He nibbled his way back down Blair's throat to first one nipple and then the other. Blair pushed himself into Jim's hand, and Jim increased the rhythm, first fast then slow again, then fast. Jim took it in his hand firmly stroking from base to tip as he took a nipple firmly between his teeth, not to hard but enough to make Blair arch his hips off the bed. He smiled a little and began to kiss his way down Blair's body, tracing his ribs with his tongue, stopping to licking at his navel, nibbling lightly at the top of his thighs. Finally, he let his tongue slide lightly across the head of his erection causing Blair to jump and press himself more firmly into Jim's hand Jim let his other hand move down to between Blair's legs, cupping his balls in one hand and rubbing lightly. "Jim...I...I can't...." 

He didn't stop either of his hands, just trailed a set of kisses up and down the rigid shaft. 

Blair groaned, almost a whimper and Jim could feel and hear his heartbeat quicken even more, felt the pressure in the sac he held increase for a moment. Smiling, Jim moved to take Blair's cock in his mouth, intending to take him all the way down his throat, but Blair jerked, freezing completely for a moment as the orgasm caught both of them by surprise. Blair cried out something that might have been Jim's name and Jim felt the pulse a moment before his mouth and throat were filled. He swallowed, almost losing himself in the slightly bitter sea-salt taste. Finally, Blair whimpered and he let go, moving up to pull the younger man into his arms. He pushed the sweat damp curls out of Blair's face and kissed him lightly. 

"Oh...God Jim...that was..." 

"Don't start...I'll get a swelled head." He teased. 

Blair laughed. "Your ego doesn't need any help...and that doesn't seem to be what's swelled at the moment..." Jim caught his breath in a gasp as Blair's hand moved down to clasp around his cock. 

"Blair..." He muttered then groaned as the stroking continued. 

"Yes?" Blair asked softly, whispering the word into Jim's ear. "You said earlier...nothing I didn't want..." 

"Never." Jim promised, managing to growl out the word. 

"What about something I do want...?" The tone was teasing. 

"Anything..." 

"Make love to me, Jim..." A pause, a slight inhalation. "Take me." It was a purr. 

"Are you sure?" Jim reached down to still the hand Blair was still stroking him with. "I can't think when you do that." 

"Are we supposed to be 'thinking'?" The last word was disbelieving. 

"Are you sure?" Jim repeated. 

"Yes." Just that one word, and nothing else in the world could have told Jim how much Blair did trust him more than that. "Do you want me?" 

"God yes...I just...don't want to hurt you, Blair." 

"You won't...trust me...trust yourself as much as I do..." He smiled. "Have you done this before?" 

"Yes." Jim smiled back. "But I'm ten years out of practice." 

"Hmmm...well...let's see what you remember." 

"I..." He couldn't keep the worry from his voice. 

"I did not want to bring this up in bed with you and if you ever bring him up when we're in bed together again I will not forgive you...but maybe you need to hear it...He never raped me, Jim...not like that." 

Jim let out a long breath and then managed a smile. "Thank you..." He wasn't sure what else to say. 

"Just kiss me already." Blair grumbled, pulling Jim into a long french kiss that left both of them gasping, all the passion rekindled. 

"God Blair..." Jim mumbled. Blair just smiled and then rolled away onto his stomach. "No...please..." Jim shook his head, rolling Blair back over. "I want...to see you..." 

Blair's eyes widened and then he smiled again. "Yes." 

"God but you're beautiful..." Jim half-mumbled to himself, sliding a knee between Blair's thighs, separating them. He crouched over him, his cock brushing lightly against Blair's causing the younger man to catch his breath and start to harden again. "Show off..." Jim grumbled, teasing. 

Blair laughed then moaned as Jim began to move keeping the strokes slow and long, as much for Blair as for his own control. Blair's hands caught his hips, caressing and then pulling him down harder. Jim kissed him, lightly, trying to keep from reaching the peak too quickly. He leaned over, his lips against Blair's ear returning the earlier movement, and whispered. "Like that, Lover?" 

Blair nodded, shivering a little. Jim took his ear lobe into his mouth and nibbled lightly. The moan that came from Blair was almost a whimper. Jim moved so he was kneeling between Blair's legs and then hooked his arms under Blair's knees, pulling Blair's thighs around his waist. When they settled, Blair was mostly sitting on Jim's upper thighs, and his knees were bent so that his feet were flat on the mattress. Jim could feel the muscles in his things tensing, and moved a little more forward so that his erection was pressing against Blair's balls. Blair moaned and then rubbed against him. Making Jim groan and close his eyes at the sudden rush of pleasure. He slid one hand up from Blair's knee to slide a finger between his cheeks, his touch a tease, never quite giving into what both he and Blair wanted...needed. 

"Jim..." The word was a plea. 

"Yes Blair...easy lover...give me a minute..." He began to press that one finger inside, then stopped. "Damn..I told you I was ten years out of practice..." He thought for a moment and then reached over to the table beside the bed and pulled out the bottle of almond massage oil his last serious girlfriend had given him...Two years ago now... 

Blair laughed. "Hopeless..." 

"Hush..." Jim growled, pouring some of the oil onto his hand, Blair just chuckled. He let his hand slide back down, and slowly worked one finger inside the younger man. Blair groaned, arching forward. 

"Yes...God Jim...don't stop..." 

Jim could feel Blair relax, and began to move his finger slowly inside him; then repeated the procedure with first two fingers and finally three. He pulled his fingers out, and Blair whimpered the sound pleading. Jim took a deep breath, praying for control, and then he pressed himself slowly into Blair, taking it in stages instead of surging in like his body screamed at him to do. Blair moaned but there wasn't any pain to the sound. Jim finally rested his hips against Blair and held still. Needing the moment to keep from reaching orgasm right there as much as Blair needed it to adjust. It felt so good, beyond good, tight and hot, unbelievably hot. How could he have forgotten how good this felt...? Finally, Blair opened his eyes and nodded. He began to move slowly, despite Blair who kept trying to quicken the pace. Blair muttered something and then deliberately tightened his gluteal muscles. Jim heard himself gasp and couldn't help but thrust forward, coming a little up off his knees in response. Blair just grinned and repeated the motion taking Jim's control with it. Sensation built upon sensation, it was impossible to get a full breath. Blair was gasping as well, panting in time to the rhythm they'd set. He'd managed to keep his sense under control until then, but suddenly he could feel every give and take of Blair's muscles around him, smell the pheromones and the musk and the sweat in the air, still taste Blair in his mouth, see the pulse that beat along Blair's throat as he tossed his head back, hear the thunder of both their heartbeats. Then there was only one rhythm, and even Jim couldn't tell the beats apart. He heard someone cry out but whether it was himself or Blair he couldn't tell. 

It took a bit for reality to filter back in. 

"If you zone out on me now I will kill you." Blair's voice growled. 

"How about if I faint?" Jim replied with a smile, still trying to catch his breath. He pulled away from Blair with a sigh, reluctant to let the union be over quite yet and then stretched out on the bed pulling Blair into his arms, pillowing the younger man's head on his chest. 

"Fainting's allowed." Blair smiled. "I almost did." 

"You and me both, lover." 

"I'm going to wake up in bed and find I dreamed all of this, right?" 

"I hope not...Finally getting the chance to make love to you...to tell you I love you once is amazing...twice may be even more luck than I've got left." 

"Hmmm...there is that..." Blair smiled, and snuggled a little closer. "You know...if I'm dreaming, don't wake me up in the morning." 

"I suppose I could cook breakfast for a change." Jim smiled a little. 

"I should have seduced you months ago. I left my clothes on your floor, and you didn't mind. You offer to fix breakfast... Maybe I really am dreaming." 

Jim laughed. "Okay, I won't fix breakfast." 

"I guess I'm awake." Blair smiled. "Thank God." 

"Yes." Jim agreed, lightly stroking his hand down Blair's back, then up to rest in the riot of now tangled curls. He ran his hand through Blair's hair, enjoying the feel, soft and springy both. 

"MMM...that's nice...I'm going to fall asleep." 

"Before midnight...? You? Maybe I'm the one who's dreaming... But none of my dreams were near this good." 

"When did you get so romantic?" Blair chuckled. "I've never pictured you as quite so...vocal about things." 

"You bring out the worst in me...or the best...maybe both. I'm not sure." 

"The best...definitely..." Blair sighed. Jim tightened his arm around the other man's shoulders, and then went back to stroking his hair. "For someone so damned strong you're awfully gentle. I'm really not made of glass you know." Blair whispered. 

Jim sighed and increased the pressure a little bit. "Glass? No, definitely not...Something much stronger..." He remembered something he'd read suddenly. "Something much stronger...and even more fragile...flesh and bone and dreams..." 

"I am not going to cry in bed with you." Blair said firmly. 

"Alright...I'll save the romantic stuff for the couch." 

Blair chuckled. "Alright...bed is for mind-altering sex, the couch is for being romantic..." 

"Go to sleep, Blair." He started to let go and roll over. 

"Well...maybe a little romance would be alright..." Blair snuggled against him again. "I like when you have your hand in my hair." 

"Good...I've wanted to run my hands through your hair almost as long as I've wanted to kiss you." 

"Kiss me good night?" 

Jim did, feeling the undercurrent of passion that promised they might not spend the night sleeping. 

"Sleep well, lover." 

"Hmmm....Be romantic whenever you want...Sleep well yourself." 

For the first time since this whole case had started Jim did just that.  
  


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